Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
