ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
