I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
