also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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