Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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