In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
