Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
