Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
