Do you still have your period?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
