Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
