oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
