All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
