Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
