R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
