I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
