we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
