Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
