She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
