Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You dont lie about slip and slides
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
