Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
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