Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
