hotel room ftw
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
