I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Randomize
