Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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