Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
