where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
