OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
