So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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