I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
