i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Drunk is not a location!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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