Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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