I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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