she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
