I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
