I'm lost and stupid without you.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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