I look better un-naked...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
