just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
