you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I am available for nakedness
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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