yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize