11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize