My hair reeks of homosexuality.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
