When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
