Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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