But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Cold hands, warm shart.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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