mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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