remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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