I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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