Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
