I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
