his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
