dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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