No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
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Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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