remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize