Grow some girl-balls and come out already
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
