but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
