I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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