32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
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we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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