So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
