Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize